Make a plan for visits. On the day before, when the baby isn’t sleeping because they’re not used to this new environment, and crying all the time because they don’t like the local high chair (or the local food, you’re not sure which), take a long look at your program and divide by two.

On the day itself, take a long look at your program and divide by two again.

As the day progresses and as the baby gets increasingly cranky through lack of sleep (it turns out that you have been handed the model of baby that doesn’t sleep in the car, in the baby carrier or in the stroller unless they’re extremely tired), cancel activities.

Realise you’ve only done half the morning program. Be happy that you managed one visit in the day!

Also, if returning by car to your home city on a very busy weekend: learn the trick of nursing the baby wedged between the car seat and the luggage in the back seat, with the car stopped just behind the exit to the motorway and your husband growing increasingly impatient as the minutes pile up and the baby still won’t let go of you. Additional tricks: be prepared to maintain your position right by the baby’s car seat and rub their tummy to keep them comforted and amused while stuck in traffic, while simultaneously trying to rehydrate yourself and keep your sugar levels up.

Aka: London should be *so* much fun.

(it wasn’t all doom and gloom though: we did convince the snakelet that a restaurant was a good stopping point, and managed to spend 2 hours gorging on awesome French food, though my side of it looked a bit bereft of interesting desserts due to lactose intolerance. Aka: the French do put crème fraîche and milk in everything, don’t they…).